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How To Stop Feeling Guilty: 11 Ways You Can Try 2021
Guilt is an emotion that is associated with a person’s perception of right and wrong. Most individuals feel guilt after their actions either go wrong or they do something for which they regret later. The worst thing is, you start doubting yourself. You want to exercise and meditate but nothing makes a difference in your life and you feel no progress. However, there are several ways to address the feeling of guilt, and even seek help from holistic therapists.
How To Stop Feeling Guilty: 11 Ways You Can Try in 2020
Identify your guilt
It is important to first identify your guilt and never shy away from it. Unaddressed guilt suppresses your emotions and builds a volcano of negative thoughts. These thoughts are extremely unpleasant and make you feel terrible and hopeless. Acknowledging your guilt helps you come over the distress of your wrong actions. You can sit and ponder on your wrong actions or the actions which make you feel angry, regretful and guilty. By doing this you are allowing yourself to address and explore the complex situations that pushed you towards doing the wrong thing.
Some activities that can help you in identifying and acknowledging your guilt include yoga, mindful meditation and journaling.
Navigate the source of guilt
It is Ok to feel guilty when you realize your wrong actions. However, it is important to recognize where it comes from. People often feel guilty over things they are not accountable for or can’t be faulted for. In such situations, you end up unnecessarily blaming yourself for things beyond your control or the actions which have not been done by you. Navigating the source of guilt[1] helps to overcome the belief that you have done something wrong when actually you haven’t.
Thinking you’re a bad person makes you a bad person
The feeling of guilt is overwhelming[2]. It gives you a constant nauseating twist in your tummy and you feel rotten to the core for your wrong action. This is a dangerous feeling as it increases the likelihood of you doing worse things in the future.
The issue is that emotions like guilt are too powerful and negatively affect your reasoning. You feel bad for something and eventually, start believing you deserve to suffer. You automatically assume that because of your guilt, you have fallen short in some manner. Consider this feeling and belief irrational and groundless because it does not confirm and prove that your guilt is justified. You can either see yourself as a normal human with several imperfections, or you can hate yourself for it.
Forgive yourself
“To err is human & to forgive is divine”, rightly so. It is human to make mistakes as no one is perfect in this world. Remaining in guilt for your wrong action makes you lose your self-esteem. Forgiving yourself makes you feel better and helps you develop self-compassion. Self-compassion[3] increases your self-worth and eliminates the feeling of guilt.
Apologize and make tweaks
Rather than sulking in your guilt after wrongdoing, apologize to the person you have hurt. When you feel remorse from within, the feeling liberates you from your guilt. A heartfelt apology means committing to change. It also gives you an opportunity to commit to improve and indulge in self-kindness instead of clinging to your worthless guilt.
Grow your self-esteem
Guilt brings a feeling of shame and shame results in low self-esteem. By not looking down on yourself and developing a feeling of self-compassion, you can overcome the shame that comes with the guilt. Be kind to yourself and you will start feeling better. Once you get rid of the guilt feeling, your self-worth and self-esteem[4] will also increase.
Celebrate your achievements
Be proud of what you are and your victories. Acknowledging your mistakes, apologizing and learning from them makes you more and more humble. Commend and applaud yourself for being brave enough to feel sorry despite the shame.
Turn guilt into gratitude
Guilt displays a negative emotion and can provoke self-punishment and self-hatred. It leads to more and more negativity. However, guilt emotion also helps in doing things that are ethically and morally right. So, whenever the guilt feeling strikes, do not feel too bogged down and turn the guilt into gratitude[5]. Appreciate your worth and that will boost your confidence and induce positivity in you.
Gratitude will help you grow as a person and prevent getting swayed by emotional distress.
Reflect on your experiences and past lessons
Recall and reflect on the lessons you experienced as the consequences of your wrong actions. This will prevent your impulse to repeat you’re wrongdoings. Reflecting on your past actions and the lessons you have learned can help you do things differently.
For example, if you have hurt someone with your wrong words or actions, think about the consequences. You said bad words to your friends and even if you return to apologize, your friend might still decide not to keep any relationship with you. The lesson here might be that just because you have an impulse to say bad things to your friend, you don’t have to necessarily act on that impulse. Doing that will cost you a good friendship.
Talk to people you trust
People are not usually open to talking about their guilt. After all, it is a task and a half to accept your mistakes and discuss them with close people in your life. This means guilt makes you stay aloof and complicates the healing process.
Trust people in your life who show compassion towards you. Talk to them and share your unpleasant feelings of guilt. People who care for you will listen to you and show kindness. Discussing with people you trust often relieves tension. Outside perspective makes a significant difference, especially if guilt has surrounded you or you are experiencing survivor guilt.
Seek help from a therapist
If nothing helps, and your feeling of guilt is pushing you towards depression, seek help from your therapist. Some people find it extremely hard to overcome the feelings of guilt that are associated with:
- Abuse
- Anxiety and depression
- intrusive thoughts
Over a period of time, this guilt affects relationships and increases your stress. It alters your sleep patterns and can result in psychological health conditions.
A therapist helps you identify your problem and the root cause associated with it. He can offer guidance in suggesting several ways and effective coping skills.
The bottom line
There is absolutely no need to wallow in guilt. Accept your flaws and work towards improving them. Learn to forgive yourself and be kind to yourself. Repair the damage and move on. Believe in yourself and appreciate yourself for what you are. Strengthen your resilience and boost your self-confidence.
+ 5 sources
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- Shen, L. (2018). The evolution of shame and guilt. PLOS ONE, [online] 13(7), p.e0199448. Available at: https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0199448 [Accessed 19 Aug. 2021].
- Cryder, C.E., Springer, S. and Morewedge, C.K. (2012). Guilty Feelings, Targeted Actions. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, [online] 38(5), pp.607–618. Available at: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4886498/ [Accessed 19 Aug. 2021].
- Gilbert, P. and Procter, S. (2006). Compassionate mind training for people with high shame and self-criticism: overview and pilot study of a group therapy approach. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, [online] 13(6), pp.353–379. Available at: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/cpp.507 [Accessed 19 Aug. 2021].
- Gilbert, P. and Procter, S. (2006). Compassionate mind training for people with high shame and self-criticism: overview and pilot study of a group therapy approach. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, [online] 13(6), pp.353–379. Available at: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/cpp.507 [Accessed 19 Aug. 2021].
- Holloway, J.D. (2021). Guilt can do good. [online] https://www.apa.org. Available at: https://www.apa.org/monitor/nov05/guilt [Accessed 19 Aug. 2021].