Depression After Breakup: Dealing With Post-Breakup Depression 2024

Romantic relationships can be a vital component of life. Romantic partners bring love, affection, and companionship. They expand your world by introducing you to new ideas, encouraging you to participate in hobbies, and supporting you as you pursue your goals. Being part of a couple can become a valued part of your identity.

Because of this, the end of a romantic relationship can be a shattering blow. Aside from the loss of the relationship, the devastation of a breakup infiltrates other aspects of your life. Friendships may be lost when shared friends choose sides, and if you and your partner were living together, you might need to find a new place to live and additional income. These disruptions leave many people feeling empty after a breakup and can lead to post-breakup depression.

Post-breakup depression^[1] may be particularly severe, with high levels of sadness and distress, in those who experience disruptions in their sense of identity following their partner’s rejection. Studies^[2] have shown^[3] that people frequently report high levels of emotional pain, sadness, lack of positive affect, isolation, decreased appetite, difficulty concentrating, and guilt following a breakup. These symptoms are consistent with those of people suffering from depression.

Is Post-Breakup Sadness A Healthy Response?

Feelings of sadness are common following a breakup. Sadness is a normal and healthy response to any type of loss. When a romantic relationship ends, you mourn the loss of the future you had planned with your partner. Acknowledging and processing the sadness and grief resulting from a breakup is important. 

Many people find that processing sadness and grief by talking with trusted friends, journaling, or pursuing other creative outlets can be powerfully cathartic and healthy ways to manage negative emotions. On the other hand, constantly replaying the breakup in your mind or continually rehashing painful moments from the relationship is an unhealthy type of rumination that can occur during post-breakup depression. Rumination,^[4] or focusing excessively and exclusively on the negative aspects of the past or future, has been shown to prolong post-breakup depression and prevent recovery.

Signs Of Depression After Breakup

While it is common to experience sadness, grief, and depressed mood following a breakup, most people begin to feel improvements in their mood, renewed interest in activities, and hope for the future as time passes. If your distress persists or worsens to the point where you cannot engage in your normal activities, it may be a sign that you are experiencing clinical depression. The National Institute of Mental Health presents this list of depression symptoms:

• Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood.
• Irritability or restlessness.
• Loss of interest/pleasure in activities that you previously enjoyed.
• Decreased energy/fatigue.
• Feelings of guilt and/or worthlessness.
• Difficulty concentrating or impaired memory and decision-making.
• Changes in appetite or weight.
• Insomnia or sleeping too much.
• Thoughts of death or suicide.
• Aches and pains, headaches, or digestive issues that are unrelated to a physical cause and do not respond to treatment.

Experiencing five or more of these symptoms for most of the day, every day, for more than two weeks, is a sign that you or a loved one may be suffering from depression. Depression after a breakup that involves multiple symptoms at an intensity that renders work, school, engaging with others, or taking care of oneself nearly impossible may be diagnosed as major depressive disorder.^[5]

Coping With Depression After Breakup

When the symptoms of post-breakup depression are mild to moderate, the following coping techniques may be helpful:

• Seeking social support.
• Schedule social activities into your week.
• Journalling.
• Using mindfulness meditation.
• Engaging in an exercise program.
• Scheduling time to ruminate.

Schedule Social Activities

Coping with depression after a breakup involves intentionally engaging in activities that bring you pleasure or meaning. These activities help combat isolation, allow you to process negative emotions in healthy ways, encourage you to focus your thoughts on the present moment, and increase positive emotions like joy, contentment, and gratitude.

Because depression thrives in isolation, seeking the support of trusted friends and family members can help you feel connected to other people and take your mind off the breakup.  Scheduling pleasant activities can help you avoid isolation, give yourself opportunities to experience positive emotions, and help you re-engage with the world.

Coping With Negative Emotions

Writing about your experience is a healthy way to process emotions related to your breakup. Mindfulness meditation^[6] can shift your mind from preoccupations with the past or worries about the future and help you embrace the present moment. 

Exercise^[7] can boost your mood, help regulate neurotransmitters associated with depression, and promote more restorative sleep.

Additionally, setting aside 20-30 minutes daily for a “planned rumination” about your breakup can reduce overall ruminating time.^[8] If a thought related to your breakup pops into your mind, gently remind yourself to save it for your rumination time to avoid getting sucked into the draining cycle of negativity. Setting clear boundaries around rumination prevents you from spending excessive and unhealthy amounts of time reeling from negative emotions.

For most people, the symptoms of post-breakup depression will begin to resolve within a few months. Improvements may be gradual, but you may notice the feelings of sadness and grief are less intense and are happening less frequently. You begin sleeping better, waking up feeling more refreshed, and thinking positively about the future.

When To Seek Help

While the passing of time can bring healing for many, some people experience persistent or intensifying symptoms of post-breakup depression. If your symptoms persist or increase in intensity, seeking therapy from a mental health professional may be necessary. If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm, seek help immediately.^[9] You can dial 988 for the confidential Suicide & Crisis Lifeline or dial 911 for Emergency Medical Services.

Many forms of therapy are effective for treating depression, including cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT, mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, and interpersonal psychotherapy, to name a few. Many forms of therapy are also available online. Medications like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are effective in treating depression, used in addition to other forms of supportive therapy.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)^[10] focuses on how thoughts influence emotions and behavior. Therapists help clients learn to identify specific types of thinking errors and cognitive distortions that increase negative emotions and lead to unproductive or destructive behavior.

For example, someone experiencing post-breakup depression may think, “I’m never going to find love again. It’s clear that I am not good at relationships and that no one will ever love me.” These thoughts are characteristic of global, enduring, and catastrophizing thoughts that can increase feelings of depression and hopelessness and cause people to shut down, isolate, and resist efforts to make positive changes. CBT therapists teach people how to challenge these thoughts and replace them with more realistic ones, which increases positive emotions and healthy behavior.

Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy

Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy^[11] trains clients in mindfulness meditation exercises that can be used to interrupt negative thinking patterns. Mindfulness meditation involves intentionally focusing attention on the present moment. 

Clients are coached in non-judgmental observation of what is happening in the world around them and inside of them. Mindfulness meditation asks questions like “what do I taste right now?” or “how do my feet feel inside my shoes?” These practices empower people to shift their thoughts away from cycles of worrying about the future or ruminating over the past and to focus on acceptance of the current reality. Mindfulness is particularly helpful for post-breakup depression because it gives people tools to end depressive rumination and teaches self-compassion.

Interpersonal Psychotherapy

Interpersonal psychotherapy^[10] may be beneficial for post-breakup depression because it focuses on identifying patterns of behavior that cause stress and conflict within relationships. Therapists help clients develop skills to communicate their needs within relationships and navigate conflicts more effectively. Therapy also focuses on identifying goals for future relationships, and therapists use role-playing to help clients practice managing conflict without compromising their goals and values.

The Takeaway

Many people experience intense feelings of sadness and depression in the aftermath of a breakup. Finding healthy ways to process negative emotions and engaging in activities that please you can help you cope with post-breakup depression. If your depression persists or intensifies, many forms of therapy are effective in treating depression. 

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